By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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