I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have feelings that need drinking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
