Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
