i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
