I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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