hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cockslap morals
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Welp...herpes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
