I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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