so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
