Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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