well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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