I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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