so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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