I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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