i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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