My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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