we made out on top of his cat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my liver is dry heaving
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
