Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
