so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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