Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
