I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
