he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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