A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
