I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
