I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
