Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You left your underwear on the fireplace
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
