I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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