It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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