ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
