Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
