I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
