I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
