So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He shit in the fireplace
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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