Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
