32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
