Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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