i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
