The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Alive.
So much puke
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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