Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Welp...herpes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
