didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
