I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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