I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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