Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
