She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
