while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my being single is dangerous.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
