he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize