You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I forget how to act sober
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
