I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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