it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
