Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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