At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you will always have a special place in my vag
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
