ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
