I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
