I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
