I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
a search helicopter?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
