he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize