so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
