wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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