Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
