Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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