I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
