Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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