smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
