totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
