My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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