I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
