she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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