$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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