hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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