The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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