Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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