I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
