Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize