just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
