Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
