he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
