Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
