Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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