Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ttyl tear gas
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
