there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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