I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
