Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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