i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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